Future Thoughts [03. Creative Writing – I write, because I am what I write.]

Whoops! I had queued this post for yesterday evening… but it seems I forgot to click the “Update” button. = w=; Sorry about that! This has now been queued for 9:15am Sunday as of 11pm Saturday, but WordPress has been acting up, so if it goes through any earlier than that, then sorry!

The third and final Future Thoughts series… Creative Writing~! It’s a bit late, but it’s better to get this out of the way now… It’s been a long day, anyway…

Warning: Long wall of text below, proceed with caution.

So now we’re down to the last part of the Future Thoughts series. And I guess, as much as music and manga are important to me, I think writing has to be the most important, because it embodies the first two topics, and I love it a lot.

“What do you mean?” you ask?

Well, let’s see… I think they all go hand in hand. Music and anime/manga inspire me to write. Then, when I write, I tend to think about what it would look like in an anime, or in manga, or I’d imagine what kind of music would best fit the topic/feel of the story I’m writing about. So that’s what I mean, I guess~

I’m going to make this Future Thoughts post a lot less structured than the first two, and write it in more of a “freewrite” style (something I mentioned in the first Future Thoughts post), since I have a lot of things to ramble on talk about. I apologize in advance if this post gets lengthy and my writing gets a bit *too* enthusiastic because it probably will, but this is really important to me and I think it’d be best if I just go ahead and share everything. ;w;

Lets start with a quote.

“To create a character, I have to be the embodiment of that character. I’ve found that I can’t portray a character correctly with a false connection to that character’s mentality. I have to live through them as if I were living my own life.”

I’ve referenced to this quote a few times in the past because it’s my own quote — most recently in my college essay. In fact, creative writing and roleplay in writing were the topics of my college essay to begin with (and I’ll be quoting my college essay a few times here as well). It’s a bit of a personal topic, and one that’s extremely important to me, not only because I’ve been doing it for so long, but because it’s also something that’s – ! cue the heavy sighs for the most sappy, cheesy line in existence – really close to my heart.

/siiiigh~

This is why.

When I write, I can express myself. Anyone and everyone can, and I’m positive that more or less everyone does it. But for me, I think I express myself so much in writing, and specifically, in a character (or characters), that the opposite occurs as well – for example, when I create a character in a story, if I have that character act in a certain way, sometimes I find myself acting in that same way without noticing it, even if it’s not of my nature to do so. It’s a bit difficult to explain. I don’t mean to say that I act as all of my characters act (because I don’t), but sometimes little bits of the personalities I create for them end up seeping into my own.

It’s as if… I subconsiously manipulate my personality by placing bits of my personality into my characters, and then, by putting those characters in different situations, their actions feed back to me and alter my personality. It becomes somewhat …interchangeable, I guess?

I’ll give an example because I’m probably confusing the heck out of whoever’s reading this.

Back when I was 13, I created a character named Hyde—who, in fact, is the same “Hyde” (known as Hideto) that is one of the main characters in this story. (Trivia! The name “Hyde” was influenced by the singer “hyde”, who is the lead vocalist for the band L’Arc and Ciel. [see Future Thoughts 02]. This is where “music and artists influence writing” comes into play.)

Hyde started off as a young demon school teacher and thinking back, that’s an extremely odd and amusing concept. He was pretty laid back, lax, tough willed, quiet, observant, and overall a perfectionist. Not coincidentally, a part of how Hyde acted was exactly how I was at 13. I was also quiet and observant, and to an extent, a perfectionist in the way that I worked. The lax, tough willed, and laid back traits Hyde had were my little additions. Yet as the years went by, I found myself acting lax, laid back and tough willed as well—and not in any way intentionally. None of it was intentional, I assure you. I think that through Hyde, and overall through some of the characters I throw into this story (and other stories I’ve written) I’m able to explore my personality as a whole by placing bits of my personality into different characters and imagining how they respond to different situations, and then finding that over time, the other bits of personality that I didn’t pull from my own personality actually end up a part of how I act anyway.

Whew. That was a long winded explanation.

But honestly, it’s just how I write. Which is why many of the characters I stick with for long periods of time (Hyde and Tsurugi being examples) are personally important to me, and it’s also why writing itself is important to me. Because it is me, I guess. Which then explains the title of this post (that I happily made up myself):

I write, because I am what I write.

which is gramatically incorrect, no?

I’ll throw in another quote from my essay~

Embodying a character is something that I do expressively, boldly, and intensely.
It’s become so routine for me that it’s become a way of life that has in turn influenced and shaped my personality and style in many ways—however divided from my actual life it may be.

I’ve already explained the second part of the quote, so let me move on to the first part. “It’s become so routine for me that it’s become a way of life …”

If anyone’s read the “history” section of the project website (I really hope someone has – it took me a while), I mention that in 2008, Dark Side began as a roleplay in the forums of Gaiaonline. The story of my senior project, the Dark Side Project is a part of that forum roleplay, Dark Side. (Of course, the Dark Side Project was in no way written already, because then that’d just be really cheap of me — and I wouldn’t have had half as much fun and stress working on this project alone).

Dark Side, as I stated, is an ongoing story (it’s literally nearing a thousand pages now, I’m not even joking) that started in 2008 with a group of friends on an online forum (whose names I will leave unmentioned, however, some of these friends do still attend this school *ehem*). The characters from Dark Side that I created specifically for that roleplay are also part of this senior project, them being Hyde, Tsurugi, and Aikos. All other characters that I introduce into the story that I am writing for this project are new characters who have yet to be introduced into the Dark Side universe.

To make this explanation short, the Dark Side Project is an extension of Dark Side, specifically in the sense that the Dark Side Project‘s storyline takes place many years before the events of Dark Side.

To get even more simple, I’m basically writing a prologue to the events of Dark Side. Whew.

There you have it. I’ve succesfully rambled on about a topic that is somewhat connected to the topic I meant to talk about.

…Moving back on track: Writing. I’ve already explained why I do it, and how it’s influenced me, but I’ve left one thing out: what I take from things that influence my writing.

I mentioned earlier that music and anime influences how I write. What I mean by that, is music and anime give me ideas, but in different ways.

Music tends to give me ideas on plot structure and development (back when I was yelling about the song “bird” by oldcodex on the project twitter account is an example of this). Anime and manga, on the other hand, allows me to imagine my story in a physical world, rather than on paper. When I write, I picture my characters looking like anime characters not sure if this is a sad habit from being a closeted otaku and imagine how the story would progress if it was made into an anime. Of course, other anime help with that influence (see Future Thoughts 02, again, specifically Kuroshitsuji).

It all helps, really. I wouldn’t be able to write without either music or anime (but especially music). I’m a visual person who’s influenced by sound. There’s no way around that.

A final quote before I move on to the next section (goodness, there’s still more!?) of this post.

Role-playing [and writing have] become not just a simple activity, but a mode of expression. Over the years, I’ve engaged in role-play [and writing] in a way that has allowed me to escape from reality and submerge myself into an unrestricted world. The lamplight that dimly hovers over my desk. The keyboard that mellifluously ticks away beneath my fingertips. This is the zone in which my dimension [of roleplay and writing] begins. A rule-less dimension that I can write in with endless amounts of text in a limitless space. To be engrossed in this dimension is the single greatest thing I have ever decided to do.

Sappy, huh? But it’s true, really! And I’m sure that many other people who roleplay (at least as much as I do, maybe not in the same way — LARPing being another example) would agree with me.

Alright. Now that that first part is over and done with (and I hope you learned a lot), I’m going to move on to the “Progress and Future Plans” section that I always do.

Because of what’s happened these past few weeks, I haven’t been really writing all that much simply because I haven’t had the motivation to do so. As I mentioned in the last post I made, there’s been too much stress to work, and even now there’s still a lot of stress to be dealt with. Despite all that, I am now working, and have been writing since I’ve returned to Barbados along with doing illustration, which has proven to be a complete pain. Things have all but calmed down, but my priority right now is to get this story complete before I return to New York again (hopefully that will be in the next week and a half, but there’s definitely no guarantees). No exceptions. This is pretty much the final stretch of this project, and at this point, I can’t afford to waste time working on anything else. Disappointingly, college decisions are two days away, and I need to get that out of the way too…

But don’t worry – it’s not like I have a ton to write in the first place! While I did say in the beginning of this project that there was going to be eight chapters, I’ve come to decide that making this story eight chapters would not only drag the plot out unnecessarily, but be extremely tedious to write! So as of now, the chapters have decreased by two. It’s now all a matter of being determined and taking action to get this done.

In terms of how I will be posting this story online so that others can read it, I’ve come across quite the dilemma. I learned (from attempting to post Chapter 1) that Wix (the website builder) has a character limit for their text blocks, and that if a chapter is too long, I have to create another section on the website from scratch and put the additional parts of the chapter that could not be included in the first text block into other text blocks. And then, for other chapters, I have to make new pages (although I had planned to do that anyway). This being a flash website only makes things even more frustrating. I’m still unsure of whether I will reluctantly continue to use Wix’s method, or find a new way of posting each chapter.

Either way, they will get posted, and people will be able to read them, no doubt.

That’s all! Thanks for getting to the final Future Thoughts post! From here on out, it’s all log posts again.

~vertica

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